2 years ago today my little baby boy was born . . . and I wasn’t there.
Due to complications during labour, I was deeply unconscious when he emerged into the world and the first few people to cuddle him were the midwives and doctors I had met just hours before.
I am eternally grateful to those people for not only helping me to bring Tommy safely into the world, but also for their respect for my decisions all along the way.
I was encouraged, strongly persuaded, pressurised even into making many, many decisions that day. These decisions included which drugs I would allow into my body, which interventions I would agree to and even which bed I would be moved to; but I felt RESPECTED because every time I said “no”, I was heard.
I had already decided I needed to be in control of what happened during my birth, which ended so differently to the way I had planned. I would never have had the courage to stand up for what I wanted to the extent that I did, had it not been for the never-ending support of my amazing midwife Caroline Baddiley (Wessex Independent Midwives) who had my back every single step of the way. I cannot thank you enough Caroline for everything you did.
I am still coming to terms with the events of that day, but they don’t traumatise me, and I realise how lucky that makes me. Many women have birth stories not dissimilar to mine, where things didn’t go the way they had hoped and planned. “At least he’s ok, that’s the main thing”, well-meaning people have said. Yes we are so blessed. But a woman’s journey through labour and birth should never be diminished, because she carries it with her for the rest of her life. I am so grateful that I see my birth story as a beautiful one.